Tuesday, June 2, 2009

A Mother's Letter

Dear Son,

        Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive. I am writing this slowly because I know you can't read fast. You won't know the house when you come home, we've moved.

        About your father, he has got a lovely new job. He has 500 men under him, he cuts grass at the cemetery. Your sister Mary had a baby this morning. I haven't found out yet whether it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle.

        I went to the doctor's on Thursday and your father came with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for 10 minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.

        Your uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of Irish whiskey at the Dublin brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took 3 days to put the fire out.

        It only rained twice this week, first for 3 days then for 4 days. We had a letter from the undertaker. He said that if the last payment on your grandmother's plot wasn't paid in 7 days, up she comes.


Your loving mother


P.S. I was going to send you 5 pounds, but I have already sealed the envelope.

1 comment:

tifo said...

That was hillarious!!
It is the funiest thing i've read in a long while!